Strengthening Families Feature

A Path to Safety for Mother and Child: Strengthening Families at a Minnesota Women’s Shelter

By Shelly Jarnot, Parent Educator
Sauk Rapids—Rice Early Childhood Programs
Strengthening Families Minnesota

Beth* came to the battered women’s shelter with her two-year-old son Austin in May after living in an abusive relationship for four years. I work at the shelter as a Parent Educator for Sauk Rapids—Rice Early Childhood Programs. This is one of several partnerships that enable the programs to identify families at risk of abuse and neglect and work with them to strengthen their Protective Factors.

This was Beth’s third abusive relationship. She chose to go to the shelter out of concern for Austin: he couldn’t sleep, was aggressive toward her, had angry outbursts, left the room when his father entered, and played anxiously when his father was there. The physical abuse that Beth experienced (and Austin witnessed) resulted in broken bones, stitches, scrapes and bruises. The emotional abuse was never-ending and included Austin.

She had left the house in a panic, checked into the shelter, and gone back home a few hours later, thinking she had made a mistake. But she returned to the shelter the next day, bringing many of Austin’s possessions so that he could be surrounded by his things and feel more at home. This was the day I met her and arranged to do weekly visits.

With Beth, as with other parents in the shelter, I began using the First Steps curriculum to work on attachment issues, with an added a component for rebuilding the parent-child relationship with a child who has been traumatized. Each week has a different focus, such as talking with your child, spoiling versus responding, safety around the house, and brain development. Much of what we discuss affirms what Beth naturally does well with Austin.

As Beth shared some of her life experiences with me, I learned that she had grown up in a chaotic, abusive and neglectful environment. Because of the neglect, she entered the school system unprepared and was placed in Special Education almost immediately. She was in and out of foster care. At 15 she was emancipated from her mother and entered a lifestyle of promiscuity and abusive relationships. In spite of her living conditions in recent years, she went to school to get a degree in psychology. She is now in her fourth year and will begin her internship soon.

Beth’s time in the battered women’s shelter has not been easy. While Austin is thriving in the new, safe environment, she has struggled with the fact that they are living among a houseful of traumatized children and with parents who she feels yell a lot at their children and don’t supervise them.

From the beginning of our parent-visit relationship, I have been struck by the decisions that Beth has made over the past two years which have enabled Austin to feel safe and secure in their relationship. In spite of the chaos, she has worked hard to form a deep mutual attachment with him, and it is clear while watching Austin play that he sees her as his secure base. She and I have both observed that since he has settled into life at the shelter, he is much more spontaneous in his play and he has become very gregarious in his interactions with others.

One day this summer, when I arrived for a visit, Beth was crying and said that she couldn’t take it anymore—she had to go home. She felt that her friends from her home community offered her a special kind of support, and she missed her house and the community. I acknowledged her feelings, and we talked about the fact that those things were familiar to her. I then asked her to think about what she would like Austin’s life to look like five years from now, and how she could make that happen. In the end, after talking to other staff people at the shelter, she realized that staying was in her best interest.

*Names have been changed.

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